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Updated: Jul 20, 2020


Everyone has an opinion- so I figured, "Let's throw our hat in the ring! Just get up on that soap box and say things out of your face!"

Here goes:

I don't have a strong opinion about makeup.

I wear it sometimes and I don't other times. The notion of makeup can be outright bizarre, but as a woman, it's a thing I have. It's also a thing that brings me a unique kind of joy.

The thing that intrigues me about ME and makeup is- my choice to wear it, or not, is almost always intentional and the reasons are hardly ever what I'd expect.

I got the idea for this particular post when I realized that my choice to put on eyeliner/mascara that morning came down to, "Am I going to cry today?"

(There was no reason to think was going to happen, but, then again, you never plan on that mid-afternoon existential sob in a Safeway parking lot.)

So, I was left with a choice, eye makeup? Or no? Here's a little snippet of what my internal dialogue may have looked like:

I want to wear eyeliner, I going to cry today?

"Yes! There is a high probability I will spontaneously burst into tears today!"

Don't put it on.

"No! I will Queen Elizabeth II the SHIT out of this day. There will only be stoic mist in these Hazel soul portals."

Slather it on, baby!

And, I do this with all kinds of makeup products.

Here are some other rather unique discernments:


Only if I'm not planning on smooching anyone that day OR I don't want to smooch anyone that day (which is a tactic I've employed when meeting up with ex-boyfriends)

Liquid Eyeliner

Love this option when I'm feeling 1. especially confident or 2. not feeling confident at all.

Glittery Eyeshadow

Especially helpful when I'm trying to channel my inner Lady Gaga

Fake Eyelashes

Any time I'm going for the "You're a fucking QUEEN, own your thrown" vibe.

(This same statement can also be made for why I won't wear makeup other days- "BE WHO YOU ARE MOTHER EARTH DIVINE FEMININE GODDESS." I think I have many queens inside of me and they each have strong opinions about how they want to be represented in the world. It's kind of like Game of Thrones, if all the queens were taking turns on the throne, sharing fire and dragons, and generally lifting each other up.... so, actually, not like Game of Thrones at all.)

Generally speaking- I use makeup as a....mask. Appropriate. Somedays it becomes apart of a ritual to get me out the door. Putting it on gives a...buffer of sorts, the facial physical equivalent of an energy shield. I put it on and I feel like I can go into the world, do what I need to do there, and then wash it all away when I come back home. It's like a character.

There are other days where it just feels fun. I feel bright and cheerful and want to lean into the sparkle- I want to glitz my meat sack up like a Rockefeller Plaza Christmas Tree or Sarah Jessica Parker in the opening credits of SITC. I want to decorate myself, adorn myself. It's like I have a pair of Crocs and I want to get all those little plastic things that you can put in them. Yes, exactly- I want to bedazzle THE SHIT out of my Crocs! So I do.

It's as simple and as complicated as that.

*Steps down off soap box*


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